Ogre and done with
It took three films to do it, but the animated tale of a grumpy green giant and his fairy tale buddies has finally lost its “Shrek” appeal.
Now it's more along the lines of “What the Shrek were they thinking?
Though, to be fair, the “Shrek' franchise never had the sturdiest legs on which to stand. It had moments of brilliance, but was at times too caught up in its pop-culture relevance to withstand the aging process gracefully (let's just say that Smash Mouth and Ricky Martin both owe this cartoon a piece of their souls in turn for their DVD immortality).
With “Shrek the Third” the francjise that had once elicited so muck fun in the swamps and bogs has now become swamped and bogged down.
But don't take my word for it. During a recent kid-friendly matinee at the Movies and Midway, I counted three times in which the Dora the Explorer set broke out in honest laughter over the course of the film's 94-minute run time.
Suffering the same “Spiderman 3” story-stuffing syndrome, “Shrek the Third”is a clear-cut example of the law of diminishing returns.
Realizing that they may have apparently skewered the library of “happily ever after” offerings, the film's team of four writers decided to incorporate Arthurtian Legend as well, and the result feels like dungeon clean-up duty.
Shrek (voiced by a seemingly tired Mike Myers) and Fiona (voiced by the limited range of Cameron Diaz) are now faced with impending parenthood and royalty. Fiona is carrying around a bundle of blobbly, greed, flatulent joy, and her father, the Frog King literally croaked, leaving Shrek to rule the land of Far, Far Away.
In a desperate attempt to elude the latter responsibility, Shrek sets sail to find the only other living heir, a child who will be King Arthur, but who likes to go by the name of Artie (voiced by a disturbingly falsetto Justin Timberlake). Artie is a awkward youth who sepnds his days at a medieval high school that resembles a cross between Hogwart's Academy and Sweet Valley High.
There is also a too-little-too-late female-empowerment side story featuring a brief inclusion of Snow White, Rapunzel, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. But it only serves a non-sequitur, sladash afterthought, much like the random bizarre addition of frogs singing “Live and Let Die” at the Frog King's funeral.
The result is nowhere near as amusing as it may potentially read.
The only returning actor who still manages to breathe life into the proceedings is Antonio Bandaras' Puss In Boots. Puss is a feline Cassanova with a stray cat strut and shows that his kitty still has claws for comedy.
Donkey (voiced by Eddie Murphy) has been relegated to the fifth (or fifteenth) wheel, and merely blends into the scenery. He offers none of the punchy dialogue that ruled Shrek's first outing, proving he is a one-trick Donkey.
Eric Idle as Merlin the Magician is the only new voice with distinction, but even his presence is a reminder of a far funnier take on the whole Knights of the Round Table tale, “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.”
When the film slows to its requisite “lesson learning” mode, it also feels forced and out of place after attempting to stick in the gut of so many happy endings it attempts to skewer.
There is talk of three more Shreks to come down the pipeline, with a possible Puss in Boots spinoff (please, if there is a animation god, do not drag his good name through the kitty litter).
One can only hope that when the writers sit down to devise yet another addition to the “Shrek” film family, they will follow in the true footsteps of an ogre and eat its offspring.
For more movie reviews, check out Rector's website “Use Soap” at “mysite.verizon.net/beachrun113.”