Pirates of the Caribbean: At Wit's End

Since there was so much hoopla over the fact that Rolling Stone Keith Richard (for whom Johnny Depp partly based his infamous Jack Sparrow) makes a cameo in the third voyage of “Pirates of the Caribbean,” titled “At World's End,” I thought it fitting to surmise the film by quoting from the band's decade-spanning hit list: “You can't always get what you want,but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.”

Giving the crowd just that and little more is what “At World's End” is all about. It wraps up the loose strings (at least, I think it did), but swings the door wide open for more sequels to come.

“Worl'd End” is all about high seas and low expectations. Captain Sparrow and crew are certainly all booty-licious as the main scalawags, but a beast larger than the Kraken is impeding their journey this time, and that is the script.

Suffering the same fate as a certain cinematic web-slinger and bog-dweller, this ship is far too crowded to truly set sail at full speed. Sparrow, last we saw, was getting swallowed by the fabled Kraken, and at the start of the third film, Will Turner (played by Orlando Bloom) and his ladylove Elizabeth Swann (played by Kiera Knightly) team up with Captain Barbossa (played by Geoffrey Rush) to rescue him from the depths of Davy Jones' Locker.

Meanwhile, a gathering of pirate lords is summoned to face off against Britain's East India Trading Company, who has sided with Davy Jones (played by Bill Nighy) in order to rid the seas of the sailing scoundrels.

With all that, the film's cup of grog runneth over. But writers Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio toss in additional tales of Bootstrap Bill, Calypso and a Singapore swab named Sao Feng (played by Chow Yun-Fat) until the the audience feels as though it's been made to “kiss the gunner's daughter” (go ahead, maties, look that one up, but don't consult any Disney pirate book for it's meaning, because I assure you it will not be found in there).

It's as though the filmmakers (including returning helmer Gore Verbinski and producer Jerry Buckheimer) were too busy knotting up the frayed remains of the past films that they forgot to wedge in the whimsy that made the first film such a left-field delight.

And for once, Johnny Depp, for all his flittering and fluttering, does not own the show. Sure, his triple-crossing old salt Captain Jack is essential to the trilogy's mast appeal (sorry for that one), it's been upstaged by so much noise and sabre-rattling that it becomes lost in storm of story.

The rest of the cast is as good as can be hoped for, with Bloom and Knightly feeling more comfortable in their rum-soaked surroundings and add a little more swash to their buckles as the matinee “heroes” of the pictures.

But Rush, as Captain Barbossa, and Nighy, under pounds of pixels as the squidly-diddly Davy Jones, are perched up on the crow's nest, kicking up theirs peg legs in a fit of merriment and own most of the scenes in which they are featured.

The rest of the film focuses on a plot so aggressive, that everything about “World's End” -- even the comical bits of which there are a few – seem labored and ultimately drydocked.

Technically, the “Pirates” series remains a marvel. The seamless sea-faring and monstrous Flying Dutchman crew are still wondrous in their fluidity and detail, as are the number of explosive set pieces in which splinters of debris shower the crew as cannonballs tear through decks.

Fans may be more forgiving, if only to spend a few hours (it clocks in at almost three) in an air-conditioned theater to gaze upon the bronzed visages of Depp or Bloom, or to chortle each time the film resorts to a monkey reaction shot. Or even to cheer at the brief appearance of that famous Rolling Stone when he rears his weathered head (a head which no amount of computers could airbrush into something resembling a human).

And while “Pirates” is not as bad as the two other “three-quels” that have recently stuffed the screens, it is still a weak (but perhaps brief) send-off to a grotesquely amusing cinematic hero and his crew. So far, the summer “blockbusters” may be shattering records left and right, but keep tabs on the precipitous drop during their second weeks of these films' releases. Each week of the summer movie season can be summed up by paraphrasing yet another Stones' ditty: “I said baby I'll come back, maybe next week, 'cuz I think I'm on a losing streak.”

For more movie reviews, check out Rector's website “Use Soap” at “mysite.verizon.net/beachrun113.”